don’t have a deer tag?

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If you don’t have a deer tag and long for the taste of venison. You are in luck! Here’s an oldy..but a goody…

HOW TO MAKE BEEF TASTE LIKE VENISON!

This culinary secret was contributed by a handful of hunting friend, none of whom should be allowed to roam loose alone.

There was a common thread to all their contributions – silliness, with a strong undercurrent of truth. Over the years, we’ve all had some venison that was, well, in a class by itself.

Step-by-Step Instructions

1. Begin preparation and detailed planning one year before shooting date.

2. Feed a beef steer only wild berries, slough grass, weeds, sage and tree bark.

3. About two hours before you are ready to process this fine beef, have a friend chase the steer around the pasture, corral or barnyard to get extra adrenaline into all parts of the meat.

4. Wound the steer in all the wrong places immediately after it has been chased; claim the sun got in your eyes. A good shot will tenderize the meat and get as much hair as possible into the impact area. A very good shot will include the body cavity for extra juices and flavor.

5. Drag the beef to a slough and field dress it in the slough. Make sure to get as much grass, weeds, cattails and debris in the body cavity as possible.

6. Drag the beef as least one-half mile across a summer fallow field to get plenty of dirt mixed into the hair and body cavity. Go across the furrows, not with them.

7. Load the beef on a car or truck and drive swiftly down a gravel road at least five miles, then down a paved highway. This will get maximum amounts of grit, insects and other debris imbedded in the meat. For extra flavor, do this in the rain. For added debris, face the beef backward so the wind will break off flank hairs and glue them to all exposed meat.

8. Hang the beef in the garage. At least one a day idle a vehicle for five minutes with the garage door closed. Carbon monoxide adds to the flavor.

9. After a couple weeks of this, the beef is ready to process. So break out the knives, whetstones and freezer bags.

Properly followed, the above steps insure that your beef will be mistaken for venison by even the most avid sportsman. Nor more will you need to put on that orange pumpkin outfit and slosh through the swamps or hike the ridges.

truth is…the best option is to not do any of this and have the best tasting venison possible! good luck and enjoy!

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